[location: room]
[now playin': Time After Time - Avril Lavigne]
I'm so sick of life. I'm sick of everything. It sucks when you're world is torn apart and yet you're forced to put up a brave front just to try to handle everything on your own. It sucks when you are always there when people need you and when you need them, they're no where to be found. It sucks when your down and those around you aren't even giving a fucking shit about you. Being treated like a person who's invisible just adds on the pain.
So much for being bestfriends. Seriously, I was really disappointed this morning. And what was worse was that I broke down before exam. That seriously sucked. Yeah, it your eyes I'm a fucking drama queen who cries. But ask yourself, have I ever doubted you when you were down and out? Did you even ask me, "Diyana, are you alright?" It was so clear I wasn't fine. It was clear I was about to cry. So many people could see that yet my closest friends dint. It just shows how much I mean to you. Really. All I ever wanted was for ya'll to just listen to me when I needed to talk. I really thank Mithran who was worried and all for me, Ben who heard me rant and all and Dylan who's always being there when I need to talk. And Ezzati who listened to me and all. Oh and Sarah who's been trying to knock some sense in me. It seems like the guys understand me more. Ben and Mit are the only ones who I feel, truly cares. They're always cheering me up and all. I don't want sympathy. All I ever ask for is for people to show me some care and concern. Oh well, I guess that's just so frigging difficult to do. It's as if I asked them to go to war for me or something. I'm sick of always trying to put on a brave front with a fake wide smile and say, "oh. I'm fine." Call me an attention seeker if you want cos you've done nothing for me. You've never tried to even ask me if I've moved on or what. I guess I'm just an illusion. I just cease to exist in this world.
I don't mind being there for my friends. I never mind. But it gets painful when you're always there when you're needed and dumped when you aren't. I feel like ya'll made used of me. Seriously. I hate this feeling. When I cried, who gave me the tissue? Who went after me to comfort me and force me to tell what's bothering me. It wasn't ya'll! It was Diana! I don't like to say this things but I think it has reached my limit. I can't take it already. I had to talk myself into controlling my emotions. I guess I'm just really losing faith in everything. I trust people much too easily. I guess still so naive. I shouldn't trust people anymore. Or at least everyone except Ben. I'm sick of always being left to fight the battle all by myself. I thought bestfriends were supposed to go through thick and thin together.. So what happened to that?
School sucked. Yeah. I cried just minutes before going into the hall for the exams. Paper1 was relatively easy. So was MT Listening Compre. I stayed back with Ezzati to hangout and watch the new batch of Excos at work. I'm really proud of them. They've really grown alot! I'm very proud of Soon Kiat. He really can lead! I just hope that he'd be able to bring this council to greater heights and be the same as how it was last time. I really am happy for him! :)
I was damn pissed just now during the rehearsals. I mean what I say now. I'm nto gonna mention any names. If you read my blog and feel it's you, then that's none of my frigging problem. Cos like the saying goes, "Siapa yang makan chili, dia akan berasa pedas" or something like that. When translated, it simply means "The person that eats the chilli is the one that'd feel the spiciness." It SIMPLY MEaNS the person who did that or said that will be the one who feels it.
There was this person who changed all our frigging traditions, said that we were not special and worthless. YEAH! So my batch dint do much but consider those that has been in the council since sec1! We've been slugging it out and here you are telling us that we're nothing! Like WTH?! We're humans you know. We have FEELINGS! We know you aren't happy with us. Neither are we happy with you! You veto whatever we say or the others say. You're supposed to be? WHAT? GOD? Bullshit man! We deserve at least some frigging acknowledgment for the contribution we made to this school! Yes it's not alot and there has been alot of troubles but seriously, we do deserve a lil! I know the limelight's on the sec3s but can't you even give us that small dot off limelight in the council for the frigging last time?! We aren't asking for much you know.
Whatever man. Seriously, if the whole thing continues this way and sec4s are treated like trash, you'll see what's gonna happen. Seriously.
I was happy just now during the beginning part and the ending of the rehearsal cos I was so tired of crying and all. I just want to feel happy for a while even if it's temporary. Sigh....
Maybe I've to start looking at the brightside of every shit that happens to me...Maybe....
So much for being bestfriends. Seriously, I was really disappointed this morning. And what was worse was that I broke down before exam. That seriously sucked. Yeah, it your eyes I'm a fucking drama queen who cries. But ask yourself, have I ever doubted you when you were down and out? Did you even ask me, "Diyana, are you alright?" It was so clear I wasn't fine. It was clear I was about to cry. So many people could see that yet my closest friends dint. It just shows how much I mean to you. Really. All I ever wanted was for ya'll to just listen to me when I needed to talk. I really thank Mithran who was worried and all for me, Ben who heard me rant and all and Dylan who's always being there when I need to talk. And Ezzati who listened to me and all. Oh and Sarah who's been trying to knock some sense in me. It seems like the guys understand me more. Ben and Mit are the only ones who I feel, truly cares. They're always cheering me up and all. I don't want sympathy. All I ever ask for is for people to show me some care and concern. Oh well, I guess that's just so frigging difficult to do. It's as if I asked them to go to war for me or something. I'm sick of always trying to put on a brave front with a fake wide smile and say, "oh. I'm fine." Call me an attention seeker if you want cos you've done nothing for me. You've never tried to even ask me if I've moved on or what. I guess I'm just an illusion. I just cease to exist in this world.
I don't mind being there for my friends. I never mind. But it gets painful when you're always there when you're needed and dumped when you aren't. I feel like ya'll made used of me. Seriously. I hate this feeling. When I cried, who gave me the tissue? Who went after me to comfort me and force me to tell what's bothering me. It wasn't ya'll! It was Diana! I don't like to say this things but I think it has reached my limit. I can't take it already. I had to talk myself into controlling my emotions. I guess I'm just really losing faith in everything. I trust people much too easily. I guess still so naive. I shouldn't trust people anymore. Or at least everyone except Ben. I'm sick of always being left to fight the battle all by myself. I thought bestfriends were supposed to go through thick and thin together.. So what happened to that?
School sucked. Yeah. I cried just minutes before going into the hall for the exams. Paper1 was relatively easy. So was MT Listening Compre. I stayed back with Ezzati to hangout and watch the new batch of Excos at work. I'm really proud of them. They've really grown alot! I'm very proud of Soon Kiat. He really can lead! I just hope that he'd be able to bring this council to greater heights and be the same as how it was last time. I really am happy for him! :)
I was damn pissed just now during the rehearsals. I mean what I say now. I'm nto gonna mention any names. If you read my blog and feel it's you, then that's none of my frigging problem. Cos like the saying goes, "Siapa yang makan chili, dia akan berasa pedas" or something like that. When translated, it simply means "The person that eats the chilli is the one that'd feel the spiciness." It SIMPLY MEaNS the person who did that or said that will be the one who feels it.
There was this person who changed all our frigging traditions, said that we were not special and worthless. YEAH! So my batch dint do much but consider those that has been in the council since sec1! We've been slugging it out and here you are telling us that we're nothing! Like WTH?! We're humans you know. We have FEELINGS! We know you aren't happy with us. Neither are we happy with you! You veto whatever we say or the others say. You're supposed to be? WHAT? GOD? Bullshit man! We deserve at least some frigging acknowledgment for the contribution we made to this school! Yes it's not alot and there has been alot of troubles but seriously, we do deserve a lil! I know the limelight's on the sec3s but can't you even give us that small dot off limelight in the council for the frigging last time?! We aren't asking for much you know.
Whatever man. Seriously, if the whole thing continues this way and sec4s are treated like trash, you'll see what's gonna happen. Seriously.
I was happy just now during the beginning part and the ending of the rehearsal cos I was so tired of crying and all. I just want to feel happy for a while even if it's temporary. Sigh....
Maybe I've to start looking at the brightside of every shit that happens to me...Maybe....
