mood: disheartened & tired
location: room
now playin':Goodbye - Kristinia DeBarge
Sigh. I know I know, it's been exactly a week since I've updated. And it's rather unusual for me not to update regularly. Everyone's nagging already. A nice week that started off well ended up in a turmoil. It's gonna be a rather long & wordy post. Then again, you're welcome not to read it, right now, i dont exactly care anymore. I really dont.
The week began awesome when the usually-bitchy faci didnt throw a bitch-fit or whats not. Haha. He even laughed, sang and danced in class. He made us all laugh. For a second there, he seemed "high". HAHAH. We had a team reshuffle. Presentation was fine. I crapped alot, as per usual. And I just got my grades for this week's lesson and he gave me another A. :)
Bumped into....VANESSA ANN YIN ZE aka VICTOR! :D Apparently he was late for school. HAHA! The day started off terrible when I saw that the bitchy relief faci for cognitive gave me afugly C (which by the way, if my FIRST "C" for cognitive okay!) and she called me by my FATHER'S NAME! WTF?!?! Personal attack okay. She gave me a C. LIKE HELLO! Obvious much. All those vocal ones she give C. _|_ I'm gonna kick up a big fuss when my faci returns! Sumpah! I wont sti back and look at some bitch give me horrid grades when i tried being nice last week and even called me by my dad's name!! _|_ Anyway, science was MADNESS! We learnt about cells. It was a KILLER! I honestly hated it to the max! Anyway, had my cognitive UT2 after school. It was quite okay. I think I talked cock too much. Finished damn early luh! Slept awhile. So I most probably will flunk it. =X
Rushed down to my dental clinic in Kembangan after school to get my retainers. Bumped into Daniel who was in my OG. He looks different. HAHA. So since we were going the same direction, we went tgt...chit chatted. My retainers are DAMN painful!
LIKE FUCK! HOW FUCKING PRETENTIOUS IS THAT?! THE WORD "PRETENTIOUS" WAS WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE LUH! _|_ I swear she was like BEGGING for a beating. _|_ And for presentation, my group & I decided to do some surveys. SO we did 1 within the class, one outside, one public & one faci. And we DID do the survey...cheated here and there but the surveys were true luh.
Rude, but true. LOL. The way she asked was offensive. So why be nice? So presentation was fine. I swear she wasnt even typing any comments during our presentation or even nod her heavy head to show us she's paying attention. The only thing good about her lesson is that it always ends before 330pm. HAHAHA! The one and only thing good. And then after lesson, Zasy told me to read something. And this totally pissed me off. I became so upset, furious, agitated and i started a commotion. I showed Saffwan, evelyn & Intan the thing. Apparently Intan & Saffwan knows how i feel towards this particular person. I became damn disheartened. Yeah, so then I rushed off to wait for S at the MRT station for dinner. Bumped into WC, Dana, Darren, that person and her clique and all. Okay, I'll leave that point out for the later part of this post. Met S. Went to LJS for dinner and chit chatted. Walked around and headed home. It was really nice to talk to S after a long time. I miss Ben & C :(
I was still very upset and distraught. I could barely do anything else but face th laptop and teevo. My brain refused to do anything. I had a throbbing headache. I felt like dying. I want to run in the rain..but it stopped, which totally sucks like ducks fuck. I SWEAR! And I was supposed to study for Science UT 2 the following day(which is today) but i couldnt concentrate. I ended up chatting.
I must really thank Intan, Saffwan, Andrew, Mithran, Zasy, Tabatha, Diana & RayRay for cheering me up & on, listening to my emo shit and giving me advices.
I went to school in a terrible mood. And the songs my iPod played didnt help but make me feel even worse. Went to class. Everyone could see I wasn't myself. I was trying so hard not to be affected by what happened. I was so distracted. Today's lesson was super duper difficult. It was like..accounting? yeah, something like that. Sucks like ducks fuck. I swear! My classmates were trying to cheer me up. I gave the sian face throughout the day. Presentation turned out NOT THAT BAD. haha. Credits should go to wx since i think he did the most work. HAHA. Thanks ah! 1st break, thank goodness I didnt go down with the rest, or else i would have bumped into that person who betrayed me. And 2nd break, someone walked past me without even throwing me a glance. wtf? And thanks to my classmates that cared enough to cheer me up and find out whats wrong. I really was touched.
And as I didnt study for Science, I'm expecting to NOT do well. LOL. hopefully a C luh. Walked to MRT station with Fariza and then i took a bus back. In the bus, I did alot of thinking. Yes, I became upset. But at least I knew what I wanted. Went home, took bro's jacket & sent it to the laundry. Went home and went out to meet mummy. She drove to Bedok to pass someting to her friend and we went for dinner. She made me go to a hawker centre. I really dont mean to sound spoilt but like.. I dont do hawker centres. Idk why but I can't stand the smell and the sticky tables and the fact it was damn hot and all! So anyways, wanted to go Ikea cos I wanted to buy a small wardrobe since mine ran out of space. :( But it was like 9plus already so we didnt go. Headed home instead. I was telling mum about BOF anf whats the ending. HAHA. Then the radio played the song Permanent by David cook and i told my mum to listen to it and that i felt like crying when i heard it. And suddenly..
Monday
The week began awesome when the usually-bitchy faci didnt throw a bitch-fit or whats not. Haha. He even laughed, sang and danced in class. He made us all laugh. For a second there, he seemed "high". HAHAH. We had a team reshuffle. Presentation was fine. I crapped alot, as per usual. And I just got my grades for this week's lesson and he gave me another A. :)
Tuesday
Had a reshuffle of maths group. It was rather tough. The problem statement, i mean. But managed to work through it. I ended up getting a terrible headache luh!! And I thought I screwed up my presentation. Talked too much nonsense. But surprisingly, faci gave me a B for this week's lesson! :) I'm on a roll baby! :) Walked to mrt station with Sha Sha. Bumped into Jacob halfway. Trained till Sembg with Jacob since Sha Sha went off to meet his friend. LOL. I think it's nice to have a faci that can be your friend after school hours. :)Wednesday
Bumped into....VANESSA ANN YIN ZE aka VICTOR! :D Apparently he was late for school. HAHA! The day started off terrible when I saw that the bitchy relief faci for cognitive gave me afugly C (which by the way, if my FIRST "C" for cognitive okay!) and she called me by my FATHER'S NAME! WTF?!?! Personal attack okay. She gave me a C. LIKE HELLO! Obvious much. All those vocal ones she give C. _|_ I'm gonna kick up a big fuss when my faci returns! Sumpah! I wont sti back and look at some bitch give me horrid grades when i tried being nice last week and even called me by my dad's name!! _|_ Anyway, science was MADNESS! We learnt about cells. It was a KILLER! I honestly hated it to the max! Anyway, had my cognitive UT2 after school. It was quite okay. I think I talked cock too much. Finished damn early luh! Slept awhile. So I most probably will flunk it. =X
Rushed down to my dental clinic in Kembangan after school to get my retainers. Bumped into Daniel who was in my OG. He looks different. HAHA. So since we were going the same direction, we went tgt...chit chatted. My retainers are DAMN painful!
Thursday
It was not a good day. It was a sucky and shitty day. It was bad enough I practically dragged myself to school to begin with. And I hated the dumb faci. And when faci came in to class...i had a jokingly-rude-yet-serious conversation with her...Me: eh faci! why did you call me by my father's name??
Faci: *looks into her bag finding something* Oh Dear! Oh dear! Did I? *sounding damn pretentious*
Me: you DID..
Faci: but i called you according to your first name the sytem showed
Me: faci, my first name is NURDIYANA. NOT HAMZAH. I saw the namelist you know...-.-"
Faci: *pretentious* oh dear..oh dear...*changes topic*
Faci: *looks into her bag finding something* Oh Dear! Oh dear! Did I? *sounding damn pretentious*
Me: you DID..
Faci: but i called you according to your first name the sytem showed
Me: faci, my first name is NURDIYANA. NOT HAMZAH. I saw the namelist you know...-.-"
Faci: *pretentious* oh dear..oh dear...*changes topic*
LIKE FUCK! HOW FUCKING PRETENTIOUS IS THAT?! THE WORD "PRETENTIOUS" WAS WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE LUH! _|_ I swear she was like BEGGING for a beating. _|_ And for presentation, my group & I decided to do some surveys. SO we did 1 within the class, one outside, one public & one faci. And we DID do the survey...cheated here and there but the surveys were true luh.
Faci: did you all REALLY do the survey? Is it real?
Me: Of course la real! obviously not fake what!
Me: Of course la real! obviously not fake what!
Rude, but true. LOL. The way she asked was offensive. So why be nice? So presentation was fine. I swear she wasnt even typing any comments during our presentation or even nod her heavy head to show us she's paying attention. The only thing good about her lesson is that it always ends before 330pm. HAHAHA! The one and only thing good. And then after lesson, Zasy told me to read something. And this totally pissed me off. I became so upset, furious, agitated and i started a commotion. I showed Saffwan, evelyn & Intan the thing. Apparently Intan & Saffwan knows how i feel towards this particular person. I became damn disheartened. Yeah, so then I rushed off to wait for S at the MRT station for dinner. Bumped into WC, Dana, Darren, that person and her clique and all. Okay, I'll leave that point out for the later part of this post. Met S. Went to LJS for dinner and chit chatted. Walked around and headed home. It was really nice to talk to S after a long time. I miss Ben & C :(
I was still very upset and distraught. I could barely do anything else but face th laptop and teevo. My brain refused to do anything. I had a throbbing headache. I felt like dying. I want to run in the rain..but it stopped, which totally sucks like ducks fuck. I SWEAR! And I was supposed to study for Science UT 2 the following day(which is today) but i couldnt concentrate. I ended up chatting.
I must really thank Intan, Saffwan, Andrew, Mithran, Zasy, Tabatha, Diana & RayRay for cheering me up & on, listening to my emo shit and giving me advices.
Today
I went to school in a terrible mood. And the songs my iPod played didnt help but make me feel even worse. Went to class. Everyone could see I wasn't myself. I was trying so hard not to be affected by what happened. I was so distracted. Today's lesson was super duper difficult. It was like..accounting? yeah, something like that. Sucks like ducks fuck. I swear! My classmates were trying to cheer me up. I gave the sian face throughout the day. Presentation turned out NOT THAT BAD. haha. Credits should go to wx since i think he did the most work. HAHA. Thanks ah! 1st break, thank goodness I didnt go down with the rest, or else i would have bumped into that person who betrayed me. And 2nd break, someone walked past me without even throwing me a glance. wtf? And thanks to my classmates that cared enough to cheer me up and find out whats wrong. I really was touched.
And as I didnt study for Science, I'm expecting to NOT do well. LOL. hopefully a C luh. Walked to MRT station with Fariza and then i took a bus back. In the bus, I did alot of thinking. Yes, I became upset. But at least I knew what I wanted. Went home, took bro's jacket & sent it to the laundry. Went home and went out to meet mummy. She drove to Bedok to pass someting to her friend and we went for dinner. She made me go to a hawker centre. I really dont mean to sound spoilt but like.. I dont do hawker centres. Idk why but I can't stand the smell and the sticky tables and the fact it was damn hot and all! So anyways, wanted to go Ikea cos I wanted to buy a small wardrobe since mine ran out of space. :( But it was like 9plus already so we didnt go. Headed home instead. I was telling mum about BOF anf whats the ending. HAHA. Then the radio played the song Permanent by David cook and i told my mum to listen to it and that i felt like crying when i heard it. And suddenly..
Mum: I just realised something..why are you suddenly so sensitive these days? You can listen or watch something and start crying. You were not like that before. I realised you've changed. I think it's hormones. Now you're becoming more feminine. Haha :)
Me: Huh? really uh? but the song sad what. I'm still the same. So tomboyish
Mum: no, not tomboy..active but more feminine. i think it's hormones la. :D
Me: Huh? really uh? but the song sad what. I'm still the same. So tomboyish
Mum: no, not tomboy..active but more feminine. i think it's hormones la. :D
LOL. Hilarious. Even mum can see im more sensitive now. Okay, that's not a good sign. I'm usually more cold. And even for such a friendly person like me, people think i'm arrogant just because I dont wave and say hi to them whenever i bump into them. I would do so if I know them but sometimes I just dont know the people. And you can expect me to just wave & smile at any tom, dick and harry right? TSK.
But other than that, today was an "okay" day.
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Aside from all those, I'm gonna talk more about what's been dragging my emotions down for the past 2 days. I'll tell yall a story okay? there are 3girls & a guy in this story. (lol)
(FYI - this story doesnt need to refer to anyone unless you just think it's you. Then that aint my problem, it's yours.)
There once was 3 good friends. however, 1 drifted away due to reasons not to be mentioned. One of her "friend" out of the 2 started flirting with this person whom she likes. Irony is that her 2 friends are aware that she has somewhat of a feeling for this person. There's an unwritten rule that friends should not flirt/date a person his/her friends like/love. Apparently, that friend of hers doesnt follow that rule. In fact, that "friend" even indirectly rubbed it into her face about how close "her friend" and that person are. It was affecting but she chose to let it go. Afterall, bros before hoes right? And then came the day when things took a turmoil. She and the person drifted slightly apart and her"friend" rubbed it into her face once again. Because of this, she became hurt, angry and felt not only in a way, cheated, but also betrayed. She asked herself, "What did I do? Why is she doing this to me? To think she called herself my friend!"
Okay. You get the gist right? Sometimes, I wonder why girls dont understand how other girls feel. Shouldn't it be bros before hoes? Why? And it hurts when you know it's someone who called him/herself your friend. Are you doing this to be spiteful toward me? Are you? or are you just so bloody oblivious to how i feel? If you dont realise, I dont want this war. At first, I believed in "If you want your happiness, you gotta fight for it!" But now, I dont. I'm tired. I dont want to engage myself in this war that's not even fit to be called one. It's not even a battle. Youre telling me what type of a person you are. Are you all that? Yes, I'm imperfect, so are you. It's wearing me out. I thought it was worth it. I really did. Until I took a step back and realised the damages inccured. The hurt inflicted. And if I were to carry on trying to "fight for my happiness" I'm going to end up losing myself. I'll end up hurting myself more.
So yes, I'm giving up. It's not easy, not easy at all. To be frank, I regretted not listening to all the advices people told me about how I shouldnt get too serious and all. And yes Saffwan, I regret not listening. But then again, when it started out, I never expected any thing like this to happen. It started out as a Joke. as a tease. Never did I imagine it would turn out this serious. And yes, I feel like just crying to let all the fustration out. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry no more. So I wont. And after what I found out last night, I dont even think it's worth the tears I shed. But it's gonna be a long time before I get back on my feet. I'm tried of pretending I'm fine, I'm happy and all.
So I'm leaving this dumb bitch war. People may see me as a bimbo. But heck! for a bimbo, i must be one heckvua bimbo with brains yo! At least I do take the effort to use my brains. And I like being the only crazy bitch around without some fake-wannabe trying to push her way through. Au naturale~ Have you ever heard of it? OH WAIT! I forgot, you dont use your brains much now, do you? Well, it means "natural state". Get it? You dont? Okay, what I meant was NATURAL. Thats what I am & what you ARENT. So yes, have it your way. I dont want to waste anymore energy on this dumb thing. HAve fun being pretentious. :)
But one thing's for sure, I may have said that I'm gonna leave this war that never should have happened but I will NEVER give that person up as my friend. Before he was your friend, he was mine. Before I had feelings for him, he was my good friend. So to hell to you cos I'm still going to keep him as my friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And like I've said, i might have said I'm giving up but it's gonna take awhile for me to heal. And during this time, I've seen who are those people who care. :) Thanks yall. And I know i'm strong. I'll get through this. I know I will. Time will heal all. :)
Another thing. I honestly think people shouldn't act all holy moley and as if they're THAT angelic and good by telling other people what they should or shouldn't do. Especially if you're telling me to watch how I behave. Unless you're a PERFECT person with TIP-TOP manners, dont be a hypocrite and preach to me about how I should or should not behave! It reflects badly on yourself before it reflects on me. So you're like pointing a gun to your own head and pulling the trigger.
Oh yeah, as I have mentioned, this whole thing doesnt refer to anyone unless you think it refers to you. The fact that you think it refers to you, simply proves you have a guilty conscience. So please, do a self-reflection. :)
And with that, I'll wrap up this UBER long post. Time Check: 112am.
Good morning & good night everyone!
But other than that, today was an "okay" day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aside from all those, I'm gonna talk more about what's been dragging my emotions down for the past 2 days. I'll tell yall a story okay? there are 3girls & a guy in this story. (lol)
(FYI - this story doesnt need to refer to anyone unless you just think it's you. Then that aint my problem, it's yours.)
There once was 3 good friends. however, 1 drifted away due to reasons not to be mentioned. One of her "friend" out of the 2 started flirting with this person whom she likes. Irony is that her 2 friends are aware that she has somewhat of a feeling for this person. There's an unwritten rule that friends should not flirt/date a person his/her friends like/love. Apparently, that friend of hers doesnt follow that rule. In fact, that "friend" even indirectly rubbed it into her face about how close "her friend" and that person are. It was affecting but she chose to let it go. Afterall, bros before hoes right? And then came the day when things took a turmoil. She and the person drifted slightly apart and her"friend" rubbed it into her face once again. Because of this, she became hurt, angry and felt not only in a way, cheated, but also betrayed. She asked herself, "What did I do? Why is she doing this to me? To think she called herself my friend!"
Okay. You get the gist right? Sometimes, I wonder why girls dont understand how other girls feel. Shouldn't it be bros before hoes? Why? And it hurts when you know it's someone who called him/herself your friend. Are you doing this to be spiteful toward me? Are you? or are you just so bloody oblivious to how i feel? If you dont realise, I dont want this war. At first, I believed in "If you want your happiness, you gotta fight for it!" But now, I dont. I'm tired. I dont want to engage myself in this war that's not even fit to be called one. It's not even a battle. Youre telling me what type of a person you are. Are you all that? Yes, I'm imperfect, so are you. It's wearing me out. I thought it was worth it. I really did. Until I took a step back and realised the damages inccured. The hurt inflicted. And if I were to carry on trying to "fight for my happiness" I'm going to end up losing myself. I'll end up hurting myself more.
So yes, I'm giving up. It's not easy, not easy at all. To be frank, I regretted not listening to all the advices people told me about how I shouldnt get too serious and all. And yes Saffwan, I regret not listening. But then again, when it started out, I never expected any thing like this to happen. It started out as a Joke. as a tease. Never did I imagine it would turn out this serious. And yes, I feel like just crying to let all the fustration out. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry no more. So I wont. And after what I found out last night, I dont even think it's worth the tears I shed. But it's gonna be a long time before I get back on my feet. I'm tried of pretending I'm fine, I'm happy and all.
So I'm leaving this dumb bitch war. People may see me as a bimbo. But heck! for a bimbo, i must be one heckvua bimbo with brains yo! At least I do take the effort to use my brains. And I like being the only crazy bitch around without some fake-wannabe trying to push her way through. Au naturale~ Have you ever heard of it? OH WAIT! I forgot, you dont use your brains much now, do you? Well, it means "natural state". Get it? You dont? Okay, what I meant was NATURAL. Thats what I am & what you ARENT. So yes, have it your way. I dont want to waste anymore energy on this dumb thing. HAve fun being pretentious. :)
But one thing's for sure, I may have said that I'm gonna leave this war that never should have happened but I will NEVER give that person up as my friend. Before he was your friend, he was mine. Before I had feelings for him, he was my good friend. So to hell to you cos I'm still going to keep him as my friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And like I've said, i might have said I'm giving up but it's gonna take awhile for me to heal. And during this time, I've seen who are those people who care. :) Thanks yall. And I know i'm strong. I'll get through this. I know I will. Time will heal all. :)
Another thing. I honestly think people shouldn't act all holy moley and as if they're THAT angelic and good by telling other people what they should or shouldn't do. Especially if you're telling me to watch how I behave. Unless you're a PERFECT person with TIP-TOP manners, dont be a hypocrite and preach to me about how I should or should not behave! It reflects badly on yourself before it reflects on me. So you're like pointing a gun to your own head and pulling the trigger.
Oh yeah, as I have mentioned, this whole thing doesnt refer to anyone unless you think it refers to you. The fact that you think it refers to you, simply proves you have a guilty conscience. So please, do a self-reflection. :)
And with that, I'll wrap up this UBER long post. Time Check: 112am.
Good morning & good night everyone!
