mood: sickI'M. STILL. PROCRASTINATING.
location:
now playin':Life After You - Chris Daughtry
I do apologise for the lack of updates. It's been a prettaye hectic week, not to mention that I've fallen ill with sore throat, cough, an everlasting flu and now, a swollen eye (idk why). Been leaving rehearsals early due to this merge of sickness. :( Haven't completed the Cell Block Tango choreography and the play is next Thursday. Not forgetting, UT1 is next week and the week after next. Stressful much? And it really doesn't help that I've insomnia and I tend to be unable to sleep and im wide awake at 2am till like 5plus before I can sleep. :( It really doesnt.
INSOMNIA, CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!?
These few days I've been doing alot of thinking. Even more than usual. I think on my way to school and back. Which is why i've become really oblivious to my surroundings these days. What I'm gonna say if MY POINT OF VIEW AND MY THOUGHTS.
INSOMNIA, CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!?
These few days I've been doing alot of thinking. Even more than usual. I think on my way to school and back. Which is why i've become really oblivious to my surroundings these days. What I'm gonna say if MY POINT OF VIEW AND MY THOUGHTS.
I feel suffocated. Like the world is moving at such a pace. A really fast pace. It's like a long run. I have to run and run and suddenly, I can't breathe. I'm tried of running at this pace. And I'm slowing down. Now, I'm lagging behind. It's scary when you see the people behind you overtake you, one after another. It makes me feel insecure, competitive and scared. And I'm forcing myself to run at a pace that's making me feel like passing out.
It's the constant rush in everyday life that leaves me feeling and thinking this way. I rush to wake up, to bathe and get dressed. And I rush to school for fear that I'll be late (even though I always am early). Sometimes, I ask myself why I'm so paranoid of being late. Not only for school but for many other things like meet-ups etc etc. I should start taking things SLIGHTLY lightly. And then I rush to try to read the Problem statement and then....
I feel.....that I need to take a pit-stop rest and I end up losing my focus after that morning rush. And I get distracted so much that when it comes to contributing in discussions, I end up contibuting less than I am able to. And when I ask to be delegated some work, perhaps people feel that it's unnecessary. So I end up doing NEARLY NOTHING!
And because of this, people think I'm just being a slacker & a typical student who "smokes" through her way during presentation. And I hate when people think that of me. I really do. And it's not that I don't know what's going on and what others are saying.
Please, I've been around too many bitches to know hints that may not be obvious. -.-
Class politics in just the 4th week. This makes me insecure. It really doesn't help when I see my grades for the past 3 or 4 weeks slipping. I remember getting As for like most of the lessons last Sem. It scares me to know that I'm losing the determination, confidence, focus and strength to do as well, if not better, than I did last semester. I'm falling wayyy behind. Really behind. So I'm trying to keep up with the pace. I'm rushing. I'm trying so hard. And at the end of the day, I'm really tired, mentally, emotionally and physically.
After school, I rush off for rehearsals. It was fine in the beginning until I realised how tough it really is. I admire those who are able to manage their time so well. I really do admire them. And it was even worse when things at home were pure shit from my birthday onwards till last monday. It made me feel even more weary and lethargic. Like I just wanna sleep in for as long as possible. Apparently, insomnia donest exactly allow me to do so. No matter how dead tired I am, I still can't sleep. The feelin' sucks. But I signed up for this, so I guess I have to go through with it. I'll be slightly free-er after the Play next week, or at least I'm hoping so.
And then I was shortlisted to go on a trip to HongKong during the year end hols. Sound fun right? Well, I have to plan and do a presentation to suggest an itinerary. And this is to show the level of leadership qualities in me. It was alright until i realised the presentation & meeting clashes with my rehearsals! So now, I dont know what to do. 300bucks for the trip only. It's cheap! Sigh.
Then I rush home to not be late for curfew. I rush here, rush there, rush everywhere! It's a vicious cycle which is really tiring. I don't even have time to hangout with my ex-classmates or my other friends. But I must thank my Drama clique for being there with me when I feel like shit and am sick. :) Bitching and getting "high" with me really cheers me up.
It's the constant rush in everyday life that leaves me feeling and thinking this way. I rush to wake up, to bathe and get dressed. And I rush to school for fear that I'll be late (even though I always am early). Sometimes, I ask myself why I'm so paranoid of being late. Not only for school but for many other things like meet-ups etc etc. I should start taking things SLIGHTLY lightly. And then I rush to try to read the Problem statement and then....
I feel.....that I need to take a pit-stop rest and I end up losing my focus after that morning rush. And I get distracted so much that when it comes to contributing in discussions, I end up contibuting less than I am able to. And when I ask to be delegated some work, perhaps people feel that it's unnecessary. So I end up doing NEARLY NOTHING!
And because of this, people think I'm just being a slacker & a typical student who "smokes" through her way during presentation. And I hate when people think that of me. I really do. And it's not that I don't know what's going on and what others are saying.
Please, I've been around too many bitches to know hints that may not be obvious. -.-
Class politics in just the 4th week. This makes me insecure. It really doesn't help when I see my grades for the past 3 or 4 weeks slipping. I remember getting As for like most of the lessons last Sem. It scares me to know that I'm losing the determination, confidence, focus and strength to do as well, if not better, than I did last semester. I'm falling wayyy behind. Really behind. So I'm trying to keep up with the pace. I'm rushing. I'm trying so hard. And at the end of the day, I'm really tired, mentally, emotionally and physically.
After school, I rush off for rehearsals. It was fine in the beginning until I realised how tough it really is. I admire those who are able to manage their time so well. I really do admire them. And it was even worse when things at home were pure shit from my birthday onwards till last monday. It made me feel even more weary and lethargic. Like I just wanna sleep in for as long as possible. Apparently, insomnia donest exactly allow me to do so. No matter how dead tired I am, I still can't sleep. The feelin' sucks. But I signed up for this, so I guess I have to go through with it. I'll be slightly free-er after the Play next week, or at least I'm hoping so.
And then I was shortlisted to go on a trip to HongKong during the year end hols. Sound fun right? Well, I have to plan and do a presentation to suggest an itinerary. And this is to show the level of leadership qualities in me. It was alright until i realised the presentation & meeting clashes with my rehearsals! So now, I dont know what to do. 300bucks for the trip only. It's cheap! Sigh.
Then I rush home to not be late for curfew. I rush here, rush there, rush everywhere! It's a vicious cycle which is really tiring. I don't even have time to hangout with my ex-classmates or my other friends. But I must thank my Drama clique for being there with me when I feel like shit and am sick. :) Bitching and getting "high" with me really cheers me up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, So I think that sums up everything I've felt. I know I haven't uploaded the photos taken for my surprise party yet. Too tired to do so right now. But I will upload them asap. To just keep yall here, I'll upload 2 out of the many many photos taken first. :)
And yes, had insomnia last night and woke up automatically at like 11am this morning. Couldn't sleep in a little later even after forcing my body to sleep. :( My left eye is freakin' fugly. I needa do something about it man! And yes, finally downloaded all the 6th Ps. Better do some mini-revision now for UT next week. Apparently my Marketing UT falls on the same day as my 1st Play. SHITZ! :(
And HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
I wish I was staying at the east so I can pop-by my cousin's condo to join in the scare and trick and treating. I miss sweets. :( Nope, I dont celebrate it. I just want the sweets. HAHAHAHAH!
Anyhoos, Shall leave yall with the 2 pictures and a hilarious link to watch a Video of Ellen scaring Taylor Swift. :)
Haikal's missin' from the photo cos he was the one taking it, DUH. hahaha!
Yeah, So I think that sums up everything I've felt. I know I haven't uploaded the photos taken for my surprise party yet. Too tired to do so right now. But I will upload them asap. To just keep yall here, I'll upload 2 out of the many many photos taken first. :)
And yes, had insomnia last night and woke up automatically at like 11am this morning. Couldn't sleep in a little later even after forcing my body to sleep. :( My left eye is freakin' fugly. I needa do something about it man! And yes, finally downloaded all the 6th Ps. Better do some mini-revision now for UT next week. Apparently my Marketing UT falls on the same day as my 1st Play. SHITZ! :(
And HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
I wish I was staying at the east so I can pop-by my cousin's condo to join in the scare and trick and treating. I miss sweets. :( Nope, I dont celebrate it. I just want the sweets. HAHAHAHAH!
Anyhoos, Shall leave yall with the 2 pictures and a hilarious link to watch a Video of Ellen scaring Taylor Swift. :)
Haikal's missin' from the photo cos he was the one taking it, DUH. hahaha!
