Keeping everything in over and over again. Telling myself that this doesn't hurt, that I am strong enough to overcome this and not let this affect me. But there comes a time when even lying to yourself repeatedly that you are fine fails, miserably.
We try as we might but sometimes, when enough is enough, those tears we try so hard to hide and tuck away behind our strong facade....we can't even control them anymore because we just..can't.
We build a wall so hard & high in our lives, never allowing people to get past it to protect ourselves and those that we allow in, are the ones that hurts us the most and the wall, we continue building it to prevent the same shit from happening again. We build a dam of emotions. A dam full of tears. We block our emotions, our tears, our sadness and agony and wear a smile on our face even though we're crying, bleeding and dying inside. Because we try to protect ourselves. We cry when no one's looking so no one knows that we're affected.
That dam we built, when enough is truly enough, we can't help it, we can't stay strong enough to hold on to the dam, making sure we don't let the waterworks come alive. We can't stay strong enough to say,"Hey, I'm still fine. this will pass. It'd all get better. I'm too strong to let this shit get to me." But we're all humans. One day, we'll all break down when being strong & putting on a facade just isn't an option because everything is crumbling down.
Truth is, for all those people you know that laugh the loudest, hardest, keeps a smiley face & a happy-go-lucky attitude, don't EVER, not even for a second, think that they've had life easy. Don't think they're always that way & they don't have shit going on because the fact is that they're just keeping to themselves.
These people, US, we're the ones who know that in society, we can't all be ranting about all the shit going on in our lives because majority of the people in our lives are already doing that and seeking comfort FROM us. It wouldn't feel right for us to do this to the people who are seeking our comfort. Also, we don't like to be burdens. We don't like to be the one to spoil another person's mood or wtv with our tears, emotions & shit that's going on. We try our best to portray an image so no one, not even for a second, knows how much shit we're going through. We try to keep everyone's shit together to keep everyone happy.
Admit it, if it wasn't for my Twitter & blog, no one, NOT A SINGLE ONE of my friends would know even a percentage of shit I've to deal with because if you know me IRL, I'm not one who cries in public or wtv & I don't turn up to an event or gathering telling my issues to everyone, seeking their comfort. I try to get my own shit together, pull myself back up & settle things on my own.
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