mood: still contemplative
location: room
now playin': Crash World - Hilary Duff
I've been so pre-occupied with my thoughts of my future that I totally forgot to mention about my dental. I've changed my braces color to BLUE! And now it's so tight that it hurts damn bad. And I purposely chose blue cos of Ben since his birthday's coming up like in 25more days. Haha. I'm already planning for C & S's colours from my braces since their birthday is after his. Haha. I can't wait to remove my braces and finally eat normally. HAHA!
I actually planned to go jogging just now since I had Macs for supper AGAIN! How to lose weight like that?!! Haha. So I think I'll go jogging in the evening. Eddie, I dont wish to jog to Yishun, so quit tryna drag me along! LOL. But I'm not i any mood to step out of the house although I planned to go out. I'm so tired. Mentally and physically....
Can I just curl myself up for the next few months and sleep a dreamless sleep instead of all those thoughts scaring me outta my wits?
I know I shouldn't give up on myself but maybe....I'm really hopeless? I know it's cheap to drown myself in self-pity but I really shudder when I think that I mightnt have a future. I know I will have to pick myself from where I fell but it's so darn difficult. I know i've to be strong, especially now. I've been strong enough to survive through all the shit in Secondary school but it feels like this is really a huge downfall. I can't react to it cos I don't really know how I really feel and react to and about it. I'm not happy or upset or anything. I've lost all hope. I've lost my dreams and aspirations. I've lost confidence in myself. I know i shouldn't say all these but I really needa let it all out. No kiddin'! I wanted so much to be a lawyer, but I can't go far being a lawyer in Singapore right now. So I had to give up that dream. And then I wanted so much to be a psychologist, and now I can't even be that. I dont mind the course I'm about to take but, it isn't what I really want in life. I know God's planned something out for me thats best for me. But I'm really confused. Will I really be alright? I'm a strong girl but there's limits to my strength. I know I shouldn't be this way right now but help me dear God. I don't even know where I'm heading. I'm heading so aimlessly that YOU had to set up a path for me that I never even thought of. Is this what will be my future? Will I really have a future? Will I even be able pull through this? Will I?
If yall realised, I've been trying to keep myself as occupied and as happy as I can. I can't stand being so numb and confused, that's SO NOT ME. But thanks everyone for all those comforting words and all, really, thanks. And WC, I know you're happy. LOL. Now you can see me for another 3years (darn it). LOL. Kiddin'. And what Mithran said to cheer me up was darn funny!
"Like we said, Loonies forever. Haha"
-Mithran Loony
That gay is damn funny luh! He gives me that lamest shit that cheers me up. Haha! Yeah, now we'll be the loonatics in RP for the next 3 years together! I'm so happy! haha. No kiddin'! Thanks big loony! :D You're like a big (and thin) bro to me luh. Haha. I get to gossip so much with you which always ends the both of us in trouble. Haha. No matter how much we argue, we can never stay mad at each other for long. And that's what keeps us...LOONIES! LOL! SO GAY. Eh Mit, join my course leh! Haha. I wont have anyone to gay with you know!! xD And YG, thanks for (being like my mum and) check on my course. Cos I didn't even bother checking it. LOL. But thanks anyway. And Im prettaye sad that I didnt get in Nursing so now I can't meet Sarah. LOL!! But you can wipe your own child's bum in the future cos I wont be doing it. Hahaha!
Okay, I feel like I got some Grammy Award that I'm saying So many thank-yous. HAHA. Hilarious much. Okay luh, I'll go and so come more reflection and hopefully, succeed in my diet plan for today. MUAHAHA!
